


you know I... I...

by pilzformig



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: (like thats the plot), (ok that tag is literally a lie bc stephen king wont let me write that but. just trust me), Anal Sex, Angst, Canon Compliant, Crying, I guess., Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, book!verse, like a lot of crying... these boys are very emotional, no beta we die like men, stephen king WISHES he could do what i can do (write this fic)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 09:01:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20504357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pilzformig/pseuds/pilzformig
Summary: Richie and Eddie have an hour or so alone together after the meeting at the library, and everything (almost everything) comes to light.





	you know I... I...

**Author's Note:**

> had to bust this fic out quick before i go and see It Chapter Two™ tomorrow... im so excited.  
this is book! verse, bc theres this hour or two before henry comes to eddies room where richie and eddie (and ben) Go Off Together and are Unaccounted For... i took that mf plunge. (richie asks eddie and ben to accompany him to the derry town house)  
i combed thru the book a lot for this so im p sure i got everything, but if u see any innacuracies let me know!! stephen king makes this So Hard bc everythngs nonlinear so i might have missed something. (he also makes it rly easy to not have to make up details by like. giving them all canon hotel room numbers. thanks)

Richie stands with Eddie at the top of the library steps; Ben stands at the bottom. They watch as Bill and Beverly walk off towards the town house, and give them a few minutes so that they can walk back alone.

Richie notices Bill glance back at them through the gloom. He sighs and looks to Eddie.

“Shall we?”

Eddie smiles.

After that freak in the library, everything’s come back – every memory of every event that happened that terrifying summer. But more than that has come back. Richie can see it in Bill and Bev’s soft looks and intimate words. He can see it in Ben’s wistful looks towards them. Being back here has brought back _everything_. It’s just like they’re kids again. 

It’s just like they’re kids again, and Richie knows it when he looks at Eddie and feels that familiar flutter in his chest. He knows it when he automatically crushes that, and looks to Ben, and says, “Well, let’s be off.”

They make their way down the library steps and towards the Derry Town House, and they talk and joke under the streetlights. Richie and Eddie don’t get too close; they skirt around each other now, terrified. 

And Richie knows that Eddie feels it too.

They reach the Town House, and all pile into the elevator. Richie’s on the second floor, and Ben and Eddie are on the fourth and sixth respectively.

“Can’t say I’m excited for what’s to come,” says Richie. Ben looks grim. Richie can feel Eddie’s eyes on him. His chest feels tight.

The elevator dings for Richie’s floor. He makes to leave, but all of a sudden looks at Eddie helplessly, and then at Ben, and says, breathlessly, “Look, I-”

Eddie cuts him off. “Ben, you go on without me.”

Ben looks between them. A smile plays at the corner of his lips, and his eyes soften, and Richie thinks that maybe he knows as well.

“Ok,” says Ben, and he claps Richie on the back, places a hand on Eddie’s shoulder and gives them a light shove out. They only just make it through the elevator doors before they close, and they walk down the corridor and into Richie’s room.

Richie looks back at Eddie (God, it feels like all night he’s only been staring at Eddie) and says, “You want another drink? I know I could use one.”

Eddie smiles without quite meeting Richie’s eyes, and says he’d love one.

Richie opens the door to his room. Eddie wanders over and sits on Richie’s bed as Richie goes to pour them their drinks. His hands shake a little as he does so, but he thinks it’s not from fear of It, or what’s to come in the greater scheme of things, but anticipation, of what’s to happen here, tonight.

He walks over to the bed and sits beside Eddie and hands him a glass. They take a few sips silently, before Richie says, “You know, I do hate being back here.”

Eddie takes another sip. “Yeah it’s, it’s hard. It’s hard knowing we have to face It again, but-”

“It’s just weird being back here in Derry. Yeah.” Although Richie knows that those two things, for them, are practically synonyms.

“And now that everything’s come back…” says Eddie, taking a shaky breath.

“Well, yeah, it’s horrifying, but-” Richie continues, “It’s almost worth it, seeing everyone again. Seeing-”

“You again,” Eddie finishes. Richie gives a slight start, and (again) looks over at Eddie. He looks earnest, and a little unsure, and his face is flushed from the alcohol.

“Eds…”

Eddie opens his mouth, automatically about to reprimand Richie, who gets in before him. “Oh, I know, I-”

But then Eddie moves, and Richie meets him, and finally, finally,_ finally_, after almost three decades apart, after all those years of youth together when they were too scared to do anything, finally, they’re kissing. 

Richie lets his empty glass fall to the carpet, and puts that hand on Eddie’s cheek, softly, tenderly now, and Eddie breaks the kiss to put his glass on the floor too, and Richie keeps his hand there. They sit cross-legged, facing each other on the bed. Richie rests his hand at the side of Eddie’s neck, and lets out a quiet laugh. Eddie smiles.

“God, I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” says Richie, breaking the silence

“Me too,” Eddie says, “You know, I-” but he breaks off. He can’t say it; he’s still too scared.

Richie knows exactly what Eddie wants to say – he wants to say it too, so badly, but that old fear is stopping him. Being in Derry has brought back so much, memories and friendship and feelings, but it’s also brought back this shame, this fear they both have.

Richie looks into Eddie’s eyes, and he knows that Eddie knows it too.

Richie leans in and kisses Eddie again.

Somewhere the kiss gets heated, and they’ve both got hands on each other’s faces, and their tongues are in each other’s mouths, and Eddie breath catches, and god, they’re both so fucking happy.

Somewhere, Eddie starts crying, and then Richie starts crying, and they sit back again and stare at each other, smiling through the tears that keep coming.

“Fuck,” says Eddie, in happy disbelief.

Richie laughs and says, “Come here.”

Eddie puts his hands on Richie’s shoulders, leans in to kiss him again, and Richie starts undoing the buttons on Eddie’s shirt. 

When he gets to the last button and makes to take the shirt off, Eddie freezes and jerks away from Richie. Richie pulls his hands back, not wanting to do anything Eddie’s not comfortable with. Eddie looks scared.

“Eddie?” Richie probes, and Eddie looks at him and seems to calm down and come back to the present.

“Sorry, I- I just felt so scared for a moment, I don’t know what happened,” he says.

“No, no, it’s ok, don’t apologise! I understand. Being here… it’s brought back a lot, huh.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says.

“I’ve had years to figure myself out, get comfortable with myself, and suddenly I’m back here and it’s like I’m twelve again and terrified that everyone’s going to think I’m a freak.”

“Yeah,” says Eddie again, and more tears come, and Richie thinks that maybe tonight is the most comfortable Eddie’s _ever_ felt with himself.

Eddie takes a shaky breath. “But right now,” he says, “there’s nothing I want more than to do this with you.”

Richie grins. Eddie smiles right back at him.

“Me too,” Richie says.

Eddie rolls his eyes and takes off his shirt. Richie quickly does the same, and then they’re staring at each other shirtless. Eddie giggles.

“God, you’re beautiful,” Richie says, and Eddie giggles again.

“Beep beep, Richie.”

Now it’s Richie’s turn to roll his eyes. But then they go back to kissing, and Richie snakes a hand down Eddie’s chest and starts palming at his growing erection. Richie realises he’s getting hard too, but before he can do anything about that himself, he feels Eddie’s hand there. He gasps against Eddie’s lips and his own hands stop for a moment. Eddie gives a whine.

Panting, Richie pulls back from the kiss and moves his hands to the top of Eddie’s fly. They stay there for a moment before Eddie grasps them at the wrists and says “Come on!” and Richie undoes his fly and pulls aside his underwear. Eddie’s cock springs free, and it’s pink at the tip and leaking. 

Richie says, “Oh my god.” 

Eddie is blushing.

“Shit dude,” Richie continues, “Can I suck you off?”

Eddie nods desperately, and when Richie gets his mouth on his cock, he moans. Richie sucks at the tip, and then takes as much of it as he can when Eddie starts pulling at his hair. He bobs his head a few times and then pulls off, and Eddie bucks his hips into the air and whines.

“Wait a moment,” Richie says, “Can we- I mean-”

“Will you fuck me?” Eddie asks.

“God, yes. First, let’s-” He gestures towards his pants.

Eddie takes his own pants off, and Richie does as well, giving his cock a few languid strokes. Eddie stares at it.

“I’m just going to assume you brought, uh. Supplies,” says Eddie, still a little embarrassed over the whole thing.

“You assumed correctly,” Richie replies, and pulls condoms and lube from a pocket of his suitcase. “Have you ever done this before?”

“Not- not this.”

“Alright, well, it’ll be a little weird, but I’m sure you’ll have a good time.”

Eddie smiles.

“Lie down on your back,” Richie says, and Eddie shivers and does so.

Richie kneels beside him. He encourages Eddie’s legs wider, and then covers a finger in lube and places it at Eddie’s hole. He rubs at it lightly, not pushing in yet, and Eddie gasps and squirms and Richie puts his other hand on Eddie’s hip to keep him steady.

“Ok, I’m going to put it in now,” Richie says.

Eddie laughs, but is cut off abruptly when Richie’s finger enters him. Richie moves his finger in and out slowly, letting Eddie get used to the feeling.

“Alright, I’m adding another one.”

Eddie gasps as the second is added, and Richie keeps at that pace, and then adds a third. Eddie feels weird, but also excited, and he trembles as Richie keeps going at it with three fingers.

“Ok, I think I’m ready,” he says, and Richie smiles and removes his fingers. Eddie starts stroking his cock as soon as Richie’s fingers leave.

Richie puts on a condom and covers his dick in lube, and then leans down over Eddie and gives him a kiss. He feels their cocks touch momentarily, and gasps at the contact.

Then he lines up his dick with Eddie’s hole, and pushes in slowly. Eddie gasps and shudders and grips Richie’s hands where they rest on his hips. Richie smiles and pulls back slowly, and then in again, just watching Eddie beneath him. Richie looks at Eddie’s face in that moment and wishes he could remember it forever.

Eddie shudders again, and Richie picks up the pace, moaning. He leans down to kiss Eddie again, and Eddie moves his hands to Richie’s back. They stay like that, embracing each other, as Richie continues to fuck Eddie.

Richie feels his climax coming just as he feels Eddie becoming more desperate beneath him, and they come almost at the same time.

Richie slows, and then pulls out. He removes the condom and lies on his back beside Eddie, whose shaking and gasping has subsided.

Richie feels like crying again.

He looks over and sees that Eddie is – sad tears, happy tears, a mixture of the two, and Richie feels his eyes start to prickle.

Then they both grin at each other, and Eddie sits up, and says, “I’d better get myself cleaned up.”

Richie chuckles. “Yeah.”

Eddie wanders over to bathroom, and then back out again to clean the come off his stomach.

Richie’s breath hitches at that, and he almost looks away, but Eddie catches his eye and smiles.

“Embarrassed?” he says, a little mockingly.

Once Eddie’s all cleaned up, and they’re both dressed again, Eddie says, a little sadly, “I’m gonna go back to my room.”

Richie’s a bit disappointed, but when he looks at Eddie, he can see that there is a part of him that wants to stay here. Some of that fear has come back, Richie thinks. 

“Ok,” he says.

They stand staring at each other for a moment, and then slowly come together for another long, soft kiss. They break apart and stand in each other’s arms. 

“I’d better go,” Eddie says against Richie’s lips. He turns to leave, opens the door.

“Eds?”

“Yeah?”

“After this shitshow is all over, I hope we can continue this.”

“I do too.”

Richie knows exactly what he wants to say. It seems Eddie does as well.

Eddie starts, “Richie, I-”

He still can’t say it. He walks out the door and closes it behind him.

***

_ Eddie raised his left hand slowly and touched Richie’s cheek. Richie was crying. “You know I… I…” Eddie closed his eyes, thinking how to finish, and while he was still thinking it over he died. _

**Author's Note:**

> (that final quote is from the book stephen king dont sue me. chapter 23 part 4)
> 
> i actually made myself cry writing this lmao :/  
anyway, i feel like there was a lot more nuance I could have explored if I had more time, but im pretty pleased with it as it stands! richie and eddie are in love and stephen king wont let them say it!  
(like at so many points while writing this I was like Oh They Can Say ‘I Love You’ Now and then I remember eddie’s last words and im like … bitch they never got to say it to each other did they)  
I had to make eddie go back to his room bc of Book Canon (when henry bowers finds him in his own room) but like. wish hed got to stay there.
> 
> hope u enjoyed!!!


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